| PartyTime69 Humor |
Zachary Disease
There was this woman who was desperate to meet a companion. She went to single bars, singles dances etc., but she could
never meet anyone who would go on a date with her, much less sleep with her. So in her desperation she went to see a sex
doctor, named Dr. Chang.
She asked Dr. Chang, "Doctor, please help me find out what's wrong with me!"
So Dr. Chang said, "Take off all yur cwothes."
So she did.
Then he said, "Now, get on yur hands and knees and crawl wreal fas away from me, ten craw wreal fas back to me."
So the young lady did.
Dr. Chang looked at her said, "You got wreal bad case of Zachary disease."
The lady asked, "What's that?"
Dr. Chang replied, "That's wen yur face lok zachary like yur ass".
There was this woman who was desperate to meet a companion. She went to single bars, singles dances etc., but she could
never meet anyone who would go on a date with her, much less sleep with her. So in her desperation she went to see a sex
doctor, named Dr. Chang.
She asked Dr. Chang, "Doctor, please help me find out what's wrong with me!"
So Dr. Chang said, "Take off all yur cwothes."
So she did.
Then he said, "Now, get on yur hands and knees and crawl wreal fas away from me, ten craw wreal fas back to me."
So the young lady did.
Dr. Chang looked at her said, "You got wreal bad case of Zachary disease."
The lady asked, "What's that?"
Dr. Chang replied, "That's wen yur face lok zachary like yur ass".
The Top 16 Chapters in "Sex for Dummies"
16. Evolution 101: Why Dummies Might Actually Make Poor
Sex Partners
15. Troubleshooting for Do-It-Yourselfers (NOTE:
Memorize this chapter *before* you go blind.)
14. Oh, God! Yes!! Oh, God! OH, GOD!!!: The Missionary
Position
13. Am I a Tab A or a Slot B?
12. Engineering Secrets of the Bra: Removal in 14
Simple Steps
11. The Face: How to Tell Your Lover Apart from All
Those Other People
10. Chapter 4: No, You Don't *Actually* Blow
9. Stop Masturbating, She's Real!
8. You're Britney, I'm Strom: Introduction to Role
Playing
7. Foreplay: Not Just for Her Birthday, Chester
6. Putting the Condom on a Banana is Just for
*Practice*, Dumbass
5. Crouching Doggie and Hidden Missionary: A Guide to
Sexual Positions
4. "Alternate" Lifestyles: Pokeman?
3. Hey! Watch Those Teeth, Vampira!!
2. Sexual Physics: The Round Peg/Round Hole Theory
and the Number 1 Chapter in "Sex for Dummies"...
Chapter 1: Mayor McWeiner and the Clamburglar
16. Evolution 101: Why Dummies Might Actually Make Poor
Sex Partners
15. Troubleshooting for Do-It-Yourselfers (NOTE:
Memorize this chapter *before* you go blind.)
14. Oh, God! Yes!! Oh, God! OH, GOD!!!: The Missionary
Position
13. Am I a Tab A or a Slot B?
12. Engineering Secrets of the Bra: Removal in 14
Simple Steps
11. The Face: How to Tell Your Lover Apart from All
Those Other People
10. Chapter 4: No, You Don't *Actually* Blow
9. Stop Masturbating, She's Real!
8. You're Britney, I'm Strom: Introduction to Role
Playing
7. Foreplay: Not Just for Her Birthday, Chester
6. Putting the Condom on a Banana is Just for
*Practice*, Dumbass
5. Crouching Doggie and Hidden Missionary: A Guide to
Sexual Positions
4. "Alternate" Lifestyles: Pokeman?
3. Hey! Watch Those Teeth, Vampira!!
2. Sexual Physics: The Round Peg/Round Hole Theory
and the Number 1 Chapter in "Sex for Dummies"...
Chapter 1: Mayor McWeiner and the Clamburglar
The Top 15 Names for Drinks Containing Genitalia
A Colorado man recently found what was originally thought to be a penis in a bottle of fruit juice. I understand that it turned
out to be some sort of mold shaped like a danglything, but still... ewwwww.
15. Man-root Beer
14. Grape KneeLength
13. Orange Bush
12. Royal Crotch Cola
11. Red Balls
10. Ginger's Tail
9. Shaftsta
8. Toolaide
7. Dr. Pecker
6. Knee-Hi Cream Soda
5. Yoo-Hoo, Sailor!
4. Poke-a Cola
3. Mount 'n' Do Me
2. Mandarin Schlong Explosion Snapple
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Name for Drinks Containing Genitalia...
1. 'Baterade
A Colorado man recently found what was originally thought to be a penis in a bottle of fruit juice. I understand that it turned
out to be some sort of mold shaped like a danglything, but still... ewwwww.
15. Man-root Beer
14. Grape KneeLength
13. Orange Bush
12. Royal Crotch Cola
11. Red Balls
10. Ginger's Tail
9. Shaftsta
8. Toolaide
7. Dr. Pecker
6. Knee-Hi Cream Soda
5. Yoo-Hoo, Sailor!
4. Poke-a Cola
3. Mount 'n' Do Me
2. Mandarin Schlong Explosion Snapple
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Name for Drinks Containing Genitalia...
1. 'Baterade
I decided to stop worrying about my teen aged daughter's driving and take advantage of it.
I got one of those bumper stickers that say, "How's my driving?" and put a 900 number on it.
At 50 cents a call, I've been making $38 a week.
I got one of those bumper stickers that say, "How's my driving?" and put a 900 number on it.
At 50 cents a call, I've been making $38 a week.
The Patient
In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him,
"Charlie, what are you doing?" Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!"
The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.
The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how are you
doing?"
Charlie says, "I just got into Chicago".
"Great," replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on
his bed furiously masturbating.
Shocked, she asks, "Bob, what are you doing?!"
Bob says, "I'm gettin' it on with Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"
In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him,
"Charlie, what are you doing?" Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!"
The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.
The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how are you
doing?"
Charlie says, "I just got into Chicago".
"Great," replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on
his bed furiously masturbating.
Shocked, she asks, "Bob, what are you doing?!"
Bob says, "I'm gettin' it on with Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"
Man: You are awfully flat chested, but you've got a tight pussy.
Woman: Get off my back
Woman: Get off my back
Mrs. Prezocki walks into a sex store and says to the salesman, "Where are the dildos?"
The clerk points and says, "On the wall over there."
She looks and says, "I want one of the red ones."
The salesman says, "No, lady. The dildos are the ones next to the fire extinguisher."
The clerk points and says, "On the wall over there."
She looks and says, "I want one of the red ones."
The salesman says, "No, lady. The dildos are the ones next to the fire extinguisher."
A guy is walking down the street and enters a clock and watch shop. While looking around, he notices a drop dead gorgeous
female clerk behind the counter. He walks up to the counter where she is standing, unzips his pants, flops his chop out and
places it on the counter. "What are you doing, Sir?", she asks. "This is a clock shop!!" He replied, "I know it is and I would like
2 hands and a face put on this!"
female clerk behind the counter. He walks up to the counter where she is standing, unzips his pants, flops his chop out and
places it on the counter. "What are you doing, Sir?", she asks. "This is a clock shop!!" He replied, "I know it is and I would like
2 hands and a face put on this!"
Little Johnny
Little Johnny was sitting on the curb, crushing ants with his finger and saying "God Damn ants"
Father Brown was walking by and saw Little Johnny. He said "Little Johnny you should not be doing that, the good lord has put
everything on this earth for a purpose."
"No that is not true Father," replied Little Johnny.
"Well can you tell me three things that have no purpose?" replied the Father.
Little Johnny said "Yes Father. The tits on a nun; the balls on a priest; and these God Damn ants."
Little Johnny was sitting on the curb, crushing ants with his finger and saying "God Damn ants"
Father Brown was walking by and saw Little Johnny. He said "Little Johnny you should not be doing that, the good lord has put
everything on this earth for a purpose."
"No that is not true Father," replied Little Johnny.
"Well can you tell me three things that have no purpose?" replied the Father.
Little Johnny said "Yes Father. The tits on a nun; the balls on a priest; and these God Damn ants."
The other day, my friends and I went to this "Gentleman's Club". One of my buddies wanted to impress us so he pulls out a
$10 and put it on the stripper's butt.
Not to be out done, my other friend pulls out a $50 bill. He calls the girl back over, licks the $50, and puts it on her other
cheek.
Now the attention is focused on me. What could I do to top that? I got out my wallet, thought for a minute.
Then the banker in me took over. I got out my ATM card, swiped it down her crack, grabbed the $60 bucks and went home.
$10 and put it on the stripper's butt.
Not to be out done, my other friend pulls out a $50 bill. He calls the girl back over, licks the $50, and puts it on her other
cheek.
Now the attention is focused on me. What could I do to top that? I got out my wallet, thought for a minute.
Then the banker in me took over. I got out my ATM card, swiped it down her crack, grabbed the $60 bucks and went home.
Why NOTHING is Better Than Sex.
1. There are even more positions in which you can do nothing.
2. Nothing is free.
3. You can do nothing with anybody, at any time, and nobody will spread nasty rumors about you.
4. You can eat or sleep while you do nothing, and nobody will be offended.
5. It's perfectly alright to look bored while you do nothing.
6. While you may get fired for doing nothing at work, you probably won't get sued for it.
7. Keep those hard-earned pounds -- do nothing!
8. No man would dream of forcing a woman to do nothing.
9. The less effort you make, the better doing nothing is.
10. Chances are, you won't feel the effects of doing nothing nine months from now.
11. Doing nothing when you are inebriated won't lead to any embarrassing situations later on.
12. Men and women generally take the same amount of time to do nothing.
13. You can do nothing with your kids without getting arrested.
14. You can do nothing in your car, on an airplane, in a school or work desk, in a restroom, on the toilet, in the bathtub, and
on a hard tile floor in relative comfort.
15. PMS won't keep you from doing nothing (thank heavens).
16. Being "in the mood" to do nothing is no big effort.
17. You can do nothing if you are paralyzed from the neck down.
18. There is no point in your life at which you are incapable of doing nothing.
19. People ENJOY getting phone calls when they are doing nothing.
20. Doing nothing will never be a disappointing experience.
1. There are even more positions in which you can do nothing.
2. Nothing is free.
3. You can do nothing with anybody, at any time, and nobody will spread nasty rumors about you.
4. You can eat or sleep while you do nothing, and nobody will be offended.
5. It's perfectly alright to look bored while you do nothing.
6. While you may get fired for doing nothing at work, you probably won't get sued for it.
7. Keep those hard-earned pounds -- do nothing!
8. No man would dream of forcing a woman to do nothing.
9. The less effort you make, the better doing nothing is.
10. Chances are, you won't feel the effects of doing nothing nine months from now.
11. Doing nothing when you are inebriated won't lead to any embarrassing situations later on.
12. Men and women generally take the same amount of time to do nothing.
13. You can do nothing with your kids without getting arrested.
14. You can do nothing in your car, on an airplane, in a school or work desk, in a restroom, on the toilet, in the bathtub, and
on a hard tile floor in relative comfort.
15. PMS won't keep you from doing nothing (thank heavens).
16. Being "in the mood" to do nothing is no big effort.
17. You can do nothing if you are paralyzed from the neck down.
18. There is no point in your life at which you are incapable of doing nothing.
19. People ENJOY getting phone calls when they are doing nothing.
20. Doing nothing will never be a disappointing experience.
How Is Sex Like Riding A Bicycle?
1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.
2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.
3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.
4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.
5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.
6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.
7. It's best to have a soft place to land.
8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.
9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it's usually best to slow down and wait for them.
10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.
11. Once you learn, you never forget how.
12. If you fall off get right back on.
13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.
14. Remember to signal before you change direction.
15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.
16. Sometimes it's nice to have a cushy seat.
17. Once you're over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.
18. That's why some of them are called Mountin' Bikes.
1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.
2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.
3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.
4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.
5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.
6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.
7. It's best to have a soft place to land.
8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.
9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it's usually best to slow down and wait for them.
10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.
11. Once you learn, you never forget how.
12. If you fall off get right back on.
13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.
14. Remember to signal before you change direction.
15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.
16. Sometimes it's nice to have a cushy seat.
17. Once you're over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.
18. That's why some of them are called Mountin' Bikes.
Adult Humor
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