3 Guys and 100 Women
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful
women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in. "I am the master of all these
women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be
punished in a way corresponding to your profession."
The Sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living.
"I'm a cop", says the first man.
"Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the Sheik.
He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.
"I'm a firemen", said the second man.
"Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?"
And the third man answered, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful
women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in. "I am the master of all these
women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be
punished in a way corresponding to your profession."
The Sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living.
"I'm a cop", says the first man.
"Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the Sheik.
He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.
"I'm a firemen", said the second man.
"Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?"
And the third man answered, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"
Good Girls vs Bad Girls.
Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot.
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it.
Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
Good girls wax their floors.
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie.
Bad girls know they could do it better.
Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls.
Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.
Good girls wear high heels to work.
Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
Good girls say, "Don't ... Stop..."
Bad girls say, "Don't Stop..."
Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot.
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it.
Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
Good girls wax their floors.
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie.
Bad girls know they could do it better.
Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls.
Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.
Good girls wear high heels to work.
Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
Good girls say, "Don't ... Stop..."
Bad girls say, "Don't Stop..."
Heavenly Ballons
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to
reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the
answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to
heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying
hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?"
"Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to
reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the
answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to
heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying
hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?"
"Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
Man's Best Friend
Usually everyone who has a dog calls him Rover or something. I call mine "Sex". Sex is a very embarrassing name, but I
never knew HOW embarrassing. One day, I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for him. A
police officer came along and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said I was looking for
Sex. My court case comes up next Thursday.
One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted; I told him I wanted a license for
Sex.
He said "I would like to have one too!"
When I said "But this is a dog."
He said he didn't care what she looked like.
Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was two years old."
He replied, "You must have been a strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after
the wedding.
I said "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex.".
He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in a church. I told him everyone coming to
the wedding would enjoy having Sex there. The next day the Justice of the Peace married us. My family is barred from
the church.
My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a
room for my wife and myself and a special room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in the motel is for Sex.
Then I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night."
The clerk said, "Me too."
One day I told my friend that I had Sex on TV. He said "Show off!"
I told him it was a contest, and he told me I should have sold tickets. When my wife and I separated we went to court to
fight for custody of the dog.
I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married."
The Judge said, "Me too.". When I told him that after I was married Sex had left me, he said "Me too."
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for.
Why just the other day when I went for my first visit with the psychiatrist and she asked me "What seems to be the
trouble?"
I replied, "Well, Sex has died and left my life. It's like losing a best friend and it's so lonely."
The doctor said, "Look Mister, you and I both know that sex isn't man's best friend. Why not get yourself a dog?"
Usually everyone who has a dog calls him Rover or something. I call mine "Sex". Sex is a very embarrassing name, but I
never knew HOW embarrassing. One day, I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for him. A
police officer came along and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said I was looking for
Sex. My court case comes up next Thursday.
One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted; I told him I wanted a license for
Sex.
He said "I would like to have one too!"
When I said "But this is a dog."
He said he didn't care what she looked like.
Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was two years old."
He replied, "You must have been a strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after
the wedding.
I said "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex.".
He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in a church. I told him everyone coming to
the wedding would enjoy having Sex there. The next day the Justice of the Peace married us. My family is barred from
the church.
My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a
room for my wife and myself and a special room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in the motel is for Sex.
Then I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night."
The clerk said, "Me too."
One day I told my friend that I had Sex on TV. He said "Show off!"
I told him it was a contest, and he told me I should have sold tickets. When my wife and I separated we went to court to
fight for custody of the dog.
I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married."
The Judge said, "Me too.". When I told him that after I was married Sex had left me, he said "Me too."
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for.
Why just the other day when I went for my first visit with the psychiatrist and she asked me "What seems to be the
trouble?"
I replied, "Well, Sex has died and left my life. It's like losing a best friend and it's so lonely."
The doctor said, "Look Mister, you and I both know that sex isn't man's best friend. Why not get yourself a dog?"
Turner Brown
A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy
staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle,
Turner Brown." The small guy faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to,
slapping his face and shaking him. When the little guy finally comes around, the big guy asks him, "What's wrong with
you?" In a very weak voice the little guy says, "Excuse me, but what EXACTLY did you say to me?"
The big dude says, "I saw the curious look on your face and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions
everyone always asks me. I'm feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, and my
name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said, 'Turnaround'."
A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy
staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle,
Turner Brown." The small guy faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to,
slapping his face and shaking him. When the little guy finally comes around, the big guy asks him, "What's wrong with
you?" In a very weak voice the little guy says, "Excuse me, but what EXACTLY did you say to me?"
The big dude says, "I saw the curious look on your face and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions
everyone always asks me. I'm feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, and my
name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said, 'Turnaround'."
Great Milk
A salesman's car breaks down, so he asks a farmer to let him spend the night, and the farmer agrees. In the middle of
the night, the salesman wakes up and is really thirsty, so he decides to go to the barn and get some milk from a cow.
Soon, the farmer hears noises coming from the barn and goes to investigate. He then sees the salesman coming out of
the barn-soaking wet and with a white liquid dripping down his face. The farmer asks, "What happened to you?" The
salesman says, "I just got thirsty, so I milked your cow. It was so dark in there I don't know how I did it. But I'm telling you,
that cow has great milk! I must have drank a gallon of it!"
The farmer then stares at him with a puzzled look and says, "But we don't have a cow. We just have a bull."
A salesman's car breaks down, so he asks a farmer to let him spend the night, and the farmer agrees. In the middle of
the night, the salesman wakes up and is really thirsty, so he decides to go to the barn and get some milk from a cow.
Soon, the farmer hears noises coming from the barn and goes to investigate. He then sees the salesman coming out of
the barn-soaking wet and with a white liquid dripping down his face. The farmer asks, "What happened to you?" The
salesman says, "I just got thirsty, so I milked your cow. It was so dark in there I don't know how I did it. But I'm telling you,
that cow has great milk! I must have drank a gallon of it!"
The farmer then stares at him with a puzzled look and says, "But we don't have a cow. We just have a bull."
Adult
Humor 3
Humor 3
 | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  |
Celebrity Sex Quotes
Rodney Dangerfield - "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
Elmo Phillips - "You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day
by an attractive middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for, later in life."
Robert De Niro - "According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they
do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful"
Steve Martin - "Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy."
George Burns - "It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
Jack Nicholson - "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Robin Williams - "Ah, yes, divorce. From the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Billy Crystal - "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
Sharon Stone - "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
Woody Allen - "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand!"
Rodney Dangerfield - "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
Elmo Phillips - "You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day
by an attractive middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for, later in life."
Robert De Niro - "According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they
do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful"
Steve Martin - "Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy."
George Burns - "It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
Jack Nicholson - "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Robin Williams - "Ah, yes, divorce. From the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Billy Crystal - "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
Sharon Stone - "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
Woody Allen - "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand!"